


I'm Yours (and only yours)

by NixVicious



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Second Kiss, follow up fic to The Bottle Knows All
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-12-05 22:38:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NixVicious/pseuds/NixVicious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't want anyone else. He just doesn't know how to say that to her. The one where Finn is an emotional mess but Rae gets it anyways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Yours (and only yours)

**Author's Note:**

> My second MMFD fanfic. Geez, there's a serious lack of MMFD fanfiction everywhere despite how many people love the show. So I'm doing my best to build up the archive bit by bit.

 

 

 

For the darling anon who gave me [this prompt](http://nixvicious.tumblr.com/post/45753825846/woaa-i-got-a-kiss-d-my-idea-of-a-prompt-after) on [my tumblr](http://nixvicious.tumblr.com/), hope you like the end product my dear!

 

Finn's got a tell when he's uncomfortable: he grabs his left arm with his right, in a protective manner sort of, across his chest, fingers wrapping around his left elbow. Like he's trying to make himself smaller and shrink away from whoever's next to him.  It's not that he can't be comfortable around people, it's that he can't be around _certain_ people. Rae's one of those people. Anna's another. The unease they both cause him lies at opposite ends of the discomfort spectrum though.

Now don't get him wrong. He's a healthy 17 year old bloke with eyes like anyone else. He can tell Anna's well hot. Chop made it obvious enough that she was into him, hell she made it pretty damn obvious herself. And their kiss wasn't nothin’ to laugh at. It was pretty good. But something didn't sit right with him about her. It was like moths blundering about and making his skin want to recoil. Thank god that Danny guy kept her and Blowout's attention for the rest of the night so he didn't have to worry too much about it.

He kind of puts the whole thing out of his mind because he's more preoccupied with thoughts of Rae since, well, since he first fucking met her if he's honest with ‘imself. And the fact that he kissed her in the cupboard and then held her hand afterwards as they walked back out. And the fact that she held him after he found out about his Nan later. He'd kissed her again then too. And she let him. Kept on stroking his back and holding him while he poured out his pain and desperation on her lips. And then when they fell asleep together. He hadn't felt that calm in a long bloody time but something about her grounded him that night.

Waking up to her did funny things to his insides. Seeing the morning sunlight filtering through the curtains and across her hair filled him with this indescribable swelling in his chest. This unease was the kind where butterflies were aflutter, the kind that was good but made him unsure of himself. Rae didn't talk about it when she woke up though. Just yawned widely, asked if he was alright and smiled fondly at him when he mumbled _'yeah_ ' in a voice still thick with sleep and drowsiness. She didn't even bat an eyelash when he reached for her hand and curled his own around it. Just squeezed his fingers in return before getting up to brush her teeth.

So two days later, when they still haven't talked about his kissing her multiple times, and he runs into Anna while the gang's all at the pub it feels like the moths are back and eating away at him. It's _not_ a pleasant feeling.

"Hiya Finn," she greets, eyes lighting up when she sees him.

"Alright." It’s not like he _wants_ to make conversation with her, but he’s not totally lackin’ manners, despite what Rae likes to say.

Maybe she offers him a drink or maybe he offered to get her a new one but it's all really a total blur how he finds himself sitting at a table with her, not payin’ an ounce of attention as she goes on about somethin' or the other. He keeps thinkin' about if it was Rae she'd be complainin' about the crap playing while they knocked back pints to see who could finish first without havin' to take a piss until the very last second. Then he feels a hand on his leg and the bells go off in his head, loud and blaring.

He's all kinds of uncomfortable at this point and wants nothin' more than to run right out o' there and go....somewhere that's not here. A few weeks ago Finn would've been all for it really but a few weeks ago he hadn't kissed Rae. He hadn't known what it felt like to have her lips against his, her smile right against his skin, to feel her fingers curling into his t-shirt as he kissed her. Or that she smelt like apples up close and what she looked like in the morning with her hair splayed out across her pillow, sunlight making the loose strands gleam like gold. Oh crap what if she sees them? He'll never be able to live it down, she'll bend his ear into next week about it, or she mightn't say anything at all. She might give him the silent treatment and ignore him again. Finn doesn't think he can bear that. He _knows_ he can't handle losing her in any way again.

He's so fucking gone on his thoughts of Rae that he doesn't notice how far up his thigh Anna's got her hand until it’s dangerously close to where it shouldn't be. When he snaps out of his Rae-induced haze, she's smiling at him like the cat that got the cream or th' canary or wha'ever.

"D'you wanna come over t'mine? I've got an empty for th' rest of the day..." her voice trails off as the implication of her words sink in.

He feels the tips of his ears burning red and all he can think about is it wouldn't be fair to Rae, it might hurt her if he did go off with Anna, even though him and Rae aren't in anything. Official or unofficial, verbal or otherwise. And why the fuck does that bother him so much?

Crap, crap, crap.

Fuckin' Rae with her fuckin' smart mouth and her fuckin' superior knowledge of music making him think only of her and nothin' else and now he can't even say yes to a bit of fun with a hot girl. Which is why he hears himself say:

"Can't, sorry," though he doesn't sound sorry at all, "I've gotta get back,"

He watches her face flicker in surprise and disappointment and then she rights herself and brushes it off like it's no big deal.

"Well maybe another time then?" her hand nearer his knee now but still touching him to state her interest. A blind bum could see the intent rolling off of 'er in waves.

He shoots her a smile that is both a smirk and a rejection, "Maybe not."

Now she's looking at him like she wants nothin' more than to throw the remainder of her drink in his face and probably give him a sound cussin’ out to boot. But he doesn't care as he pushes back his chair and stands. He drops some money on the table to cover her drink and heads back to the gang's table. Chloe and Izzy are fussin over what looks like a tangled knot of hair in Izzy's locks.

Chop calls him out on his absence, "So wha' was tha' all about then?"

"Nothin'," he mumbles feeling all out of sorts.

His insides are twisting themselves up in knots and he thinks his palms are sweaty.

"Didn't look like nothin'. Tha' was Anna yeah?" Chop prods further.

"Yeah, so?" he's really not in the mood to discuss it, especially when Rae hasn't looked at him since he came back to the table.

She's fucking engrossed, in some damn history lesson no doubt, with Archie. His mood plummets even more.

"Wha' you all ripe faced for then?"

"Look ah don't wanna talk about it alright?"

"Take it easy mate, Jesus, oi Raemundo!" and Finn feels his aggravation grow because Chop just has to drag her into it.

She perks an eyebrow in their direction, "Wha'?"

"Finn's havin a bit of a sulk," Chop's enjoyin this way too much he thinks.

Her eyebrow goes even higher, he recognizes that look on her face, "So what d'ya want me to do about it?"

So full of attitude and sass, why's she gotta be such a hotmouth for and make his life miserable?

"You're the Daddy, you know everythin."

Chop says it so casually and honestly, with such natural conviction, like it's some accepted, established fact of life, that she can't help the fond but slightly exasperated look that crosses her face. Archie nudges her at the compliment and she tints the faintest shade of pink on her cheeks. Finn wants to lob the nearest blunt object in his mate's face. That is  not good. Not good at all.

"Alright, out with it then. What's wrong with ya? You're upsetting the children!" she teases as she turns her attention fully on him.

He loses his tongue for a second. She furrows her brow and squints at him, "Oi, Finn, you in there?" and she taps her knuckles against the side of his temple.

It's a faint, fleeting brush of skin on skin but it sets off sparks under his own skin and he feels his blood heating up.

"Finn?" she calls and he can hear the concern underneath it.

"I-I gotta go," and he shoves his chair back roughly and hightails it out o' there like the fuckin' Devil himself is chasing him.

 

* * *

 

Finn's not a coward but this thing with Rae has got him all out of sorts and he doesn't like feelin' like that. The sun's not too bright outside when compared to the lighting in the pub strangely enough. He pops on his sunglasses and finds himself taking the route to the park. The walk’ll give him plenty of time to sort his thoughts out.

It's most definitely not nothin' what he feels for her. And if she tries to say anything like that to him then she must have shit fer brains. Because while he can get his fair share of girls he isn't the type to muck around like a slag. He's a one woman kind of guy believe it or not and Rae's the only one he wants. She's the only one he's wanted for a while now. He just didn't know it for sure until the party. She might be stubborn and bull headed when she's ready but he's the same way and bollocks to it if she doesn't feel the same way. Because he's positive she's just as into him as he is her.

"Fuckin' hell! Have you got lead in ya ears or somethin'?" a familiar voice calls out from behind him.

Shit. Rae.

He turns around to see her coming up the bridge slightly out of breath.

"Jesus you walk fast. I've been calling after ya since the pub ya know!" she huffs annoyedly.

"Ah couldn't hear ya," he mutters. He's so not in the right frame of mind to be talking to her right now. He might say something he shouldn't just yet.

"Of course you could hear me! All of Lincolnshire could fuckin' 'ear me!"

He looks away and doesn't say anything in response.

"So are you gonna tell me what's been botherin' you then? You've been off since the pub, everyone's proper worried about ya..."

"I wasn't the only one," he mutters under his breath.

Rae glares at him, "I'm sorry, wha'd'ya just say?"

"Nothin', just leave it alone alright?"

"Oh for fuck's sake stop being such a prick. I'm trying to talk to ya. Stop being so difficult! Did that girl upset ya?" a sliver of something ugly slips into her voice when she mentions Anna.

"Her name's Anna," he replies though he's not sure why he chose to say that.

"Don't care what the slag's name is, did she upset ya?"

He frowns, oddly defensive now, "She's not a slag and she's not the one who upset me."

"Well for a not-slag she sure acted like one!" Rae throws back at him.

"How do you know wha- were you spying on me? With Anna?"

Finn looks at her then, she's avoiding his gaze and pulling at the end of her sleeve.

"Rae! Were ya spyin’ on me?" he repeats, because this is kind of amusing now.

It fills him with a sort of morbid fascination as the gears begin to shift in his head.

"Ugh, ah wasn't spyin. Everyone could see what you two were up to!" she spits out.

Ah there it is, _this_ he can handle. The conflict between them, he can navigate this like the back of his hand.

"So what? It's my business isn't it?" he shoots back, because she's feeding his anger and frustration and confusion and the only response is to lash out, "What's it to ya what I was doin’ with her?"

"You know wha'? Ah came out here 'cuz ah was worried about ya, everyone was. But here you are in a proper strop just because you couldn't get it off with some slag in a pub in the middle of the day! An' you had the rest of us thinkin' something was really wrong. I thought maybe you were upset about your Nan, but no! You were just being a dick as usual you fucking jerk! I don't even know why I bo-"

Finn snaps like a live wire, grabs hold of her and kisses her furiously. They're both shaking and his fingers dig into her arms as hers are digging into his ribs. It's wet and hot and intensely heady and he can feel himself losing control even as he's pulling her closer. It feels like a damn breaking. Everything he's been holding back, everything he's kept pent up inside just bursts out of him and pours into her.

“Nothin' happened,” he finds himself whispering against her lips even while he’s kissing her, “Nothin’ happened,” he repeats, desperate for her to believe him, “Ah couldn't-there was only-I kept thinkin'-fuck!”

He swears into the kiss before breaking it off and pressing his forehead to hers gently. She's silent through it all and he's grateful because if he doesn't get it out now he doesn't know if he'd ever be able to.

“I turned her down because I kept thinkin' about ya and how much ah want ya, not her, only you. And it's been drivin' me mad for ages because ah didn't know how to tell ya. Since we kissed I can't stop thinkin' about it or you and I'm a right mess because I'm not good with words and ah've probably fucked this up too now. God Rae I'm sorry, ah didn't mean to-” and he cuts off because now _she's kissing him_ and those fucking goddamn butterflies are swarming inside his stomach again!

“You're a fucking idiot, you know tha'?” she whispers to him, sighing softly.

“I don't care about Anna, or Jessica, or anyone else Rae. Ah just want you, _only you_!”

Finn reaches for her hands and grasps them tightly in his. He tilts her chin up so he can look her straight in the eye as he says it, so she knows that he really means it, and she flushes a pretty shade of red under his intense gaze.

“I’m yours Rae, _only yours_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading lovelies :)  
> Feel free to pop by my tumblr and say hi and drop me a prompt or two.


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